I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
