Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
