sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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