So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His nipple licking is glorious
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
