You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
