His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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