The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
