Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
