Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
