I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
