He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I would fuck him just for his dog
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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