I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
