He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
