Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
