We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
