just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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