NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
