he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
