You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
