i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
