I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
