You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
