A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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