I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
