do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
