I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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