Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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