u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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