My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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