Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
