respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
