So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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