"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
