Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
