Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
