He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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