I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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