I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
