Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
