I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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