I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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