dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
