She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
