Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
