Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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