Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
