im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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