The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
