my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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