Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My vagina just clenched in fear
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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