4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
