it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
