you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
