I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
